brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
