Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want a musical about memes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
