Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
