These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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