I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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