is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
