I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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