3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
