Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
