I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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