Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
