Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
