The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
