The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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