I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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