so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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