look no pants
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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