dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
