Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
