Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
