can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
