if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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