so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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