I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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