yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
