the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
