I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
