I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
