How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
