you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
