PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I need moral support for this bender
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize