Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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