I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
