At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My life is pants optional.
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