And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
