I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
