I feel like abortions should bother me more
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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