respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
