I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
