are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
