you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
