Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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