I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize