He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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