Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
