No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
