Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
