Someone shit on the floor
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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