I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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