bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
