Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
