we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
