i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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