Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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