well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
