So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
