This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im holly from the hills drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize