just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
