I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
