I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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