I looked at my own cervix.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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