last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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