oh god the rape fog is back!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
