Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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