i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
