Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
