Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
