Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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