so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
