I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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