You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had sex on a roof
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
