That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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