I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
