My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
