I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
