if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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