Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
