Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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