I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
