At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
