I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
