guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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