but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
