she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize