why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
