Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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