I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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