but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
