theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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