i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
