Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
how drunk are you?
Several
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
