my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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