Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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