why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
