i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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