Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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