Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
