rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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