the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
