Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
