Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
