people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize