I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
