Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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