He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
