True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
