My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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