she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
