her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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