her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
