A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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