so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
