Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
