No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
