My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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