i may or may not be watching the land before time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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